It’s been two weeks since I last reported on what’s going on with me health wise. Physically, nothing has really changed. I've had all the tests and now wait to see the pulmonologist Thursday. Emotionally, though there's been a shift. I've been really struggling with the whole issue of Cytoxan versus CellCept. I call my nephrologist in Boise to get his opinion on this. My nephrologist here in Berkeley, Dr. Yao, from the beginning as has wanted to use Cytoxan. Two years ago, I went into kidney failure and CellCept have worked well to put it in remission, along with high doses of steroids. To me, it made more sense to go back on the CellCept. I was very concerned about the potentially harsh Side effects of Cytoxan and would much rather deal with the milder ones of CellCept.
I finally heard back from him in the form of voicemail. I heard him say that he thought the CellCept would be OK. I e-mailed my nephrologist here in Berkeley, telling her of my strong preference for CellCept. She e-mailed the me back that she had talked with my nephrologist in Boise, and he said that he actually would have used Cytoxan except I preferred CellCept. She expressed concern that the CellCept would not work as well as previously since I have protein in my urine.
I was surprised that my reaction to her e-mail. I felt peace. Both of my nephrologists first choice of treatment was Cytoxan. I could understand Dr. Yao's reasoning. So I will go with the Cytoxan therapy, if my pulmonologist doesn't see any contraindications.
This is a really heavy decision, And also an exquisite opportunity to walk in trust with God. I'm not sure where this will all lead. I do know that wherever it leads God will be there, and Mary and Jesus walk with me on the way. I don't know how this will affect my academic studies.I just have a strong sense to start the semester and deal with things as they come out. I really believe that sickness is a teacher, not a punishment.Frankly, I rather have a different teacher, but this is the one God has given me. In here and become really Anglican, for I also believe that God does not inflict people with illnesses. Yet I say God has given me this illness as a teacher. The theology gets messy here. I see the contradiction. I haven't worked us all out in a nice neat package. I hope that as I walk this path, I will find better words to express this exquisite difficult and grace filled mystery. So stay tuned. I will be writing more on this, but I'm going to switch topics in my next post. I want to respond to my brother's comments about