Vacation!

Hi gang. I've been on vacation! I've been taking it easy, no blogging and no writing. I've going places, watching DVDs and watching some of my favorite sci-fi programs on TV. Teresa and I have actually gotten out of town! We escaped the bonds of the Bay, traveled to Boise, McCall, back to Boise and then back to Berkeley. It was a long trip. We were gone from August 2^nd to the 12^th. The worst part was between Berkeley and Sacramento. I hate driving in four to six lanes of freeway traffic. You never know when some knothead is going to cross several lanes of traffic to swoosh right in front of you. Sometimes you end up having to cross several lanes of traffic yourself in order to get to the right exit. I-80 is much nicer though after you get past Sacramento. You climb up through the foothills and then you're in the high Sierra's and are back in the West. We stopped at the rest stop on Donner Pass, and there was a familiar yellow pine, sagebrush and granite country that I love so much. It was great to be at altitude and low humidity again.

We took two days to drive to Boise, stayed overnight in Boise then drove up to Paradise Point camp on Payette Lake. The camp is just beautiful, as you can see from the photos below. Going to Fat Goose Camp (St. Michael’s church camp) has been a tradition for Teresa and I. It’s a very relaxing, fun time with old friends and new friends, with kids of all ages.

Looking toward the dining hall

Looking toward Payette Lake and Foote Hall

The View from the Beach

We came back to Boise and visited with friends and family. I took care to plan down time. I’m a firm believer in not box-carring things – going from one thing to the next, to the next. We humans need spaces between events to rest, reflect and center. It is another principle in living a humane, contemplative, mindful and heartfelt life.

A dear friend Boise, who lived for a time in Walnut Creek, CA, suggested a way to avoid the Sacramento to Berkeley six lanes of traffic scene. So we took the levee road – highway 160 – to Antioch, then Highway 4 to I-80 and Berkeley. It was a nice sight-seeing trip along the Sacramento River into the delta region.

Overall it was a much need vacation, a time to touch base with home. If I sound a little homesick, not to worry, every time I would talk about GTU or CDSP, I could feel my energy rising and hear the excitement in my voice, which confirmed to me I’m in the right place for this point in my life. There is a lot I value about being here in Berkeley even as I miss Idaho and that is OK

I'm Done!

I’m done. All the papers for all my second semester classes are done. My first academic year is now officially over with. Now I feel I can truly say I am a second year seminarian.

It has been a struggle with this stubborn respiratory tract infection which my doctor is now called pneumonia. Pneumonia, bronchitis, an illness by any other name would still be miserable! What matters is my symptoms are going away. No fever for two weeks. My chest no longer hurts. The cough is much decreased. Energy is coming back. Note - I am being cautious to not over do things.

So with perseverance and pacing (working when I felt good enough, resting when not) I have finished the class work for the year. I’m good at perseverance. Maybe I have that stubborn Scot gene. The question is, am I listening to the events I have to persevere in? Am I hearing the message, the wisdom they have for me? Heavy questions which spurn quick answers. Heavy questions I will have time to reflect on before classes start again.

Teresa and I leave tomorrow for Boise and McCall. I feel ready for the trip and excited to go. It will be great to visit with friends, to see my home town, to be in the mountains of Idaho. It will be nice to dry out. Humidity in Boise today is 10%. In Berkeley it’s 51%. I don’t think Berkeley has ever seen 10% humidity. Yep, I’m a desert rat, a daughter of Idaho. There are things I love about Berkeley, the Bay and the GTU, but my roots are in Idaho and they are pretty deep.

One thing I especially love here in Berkeley is the GTU library. It has just about every book, scholarly journal and reference work you need to do in-depth research on any religious or spiritual topic. When I walk into the library, I have real sense of the Scare, like holy work is taking place. The silence is a peaceful, encouraging presence. When I leave Berkeley, it will be one place I will miss.

Bronchitis

This blog has been pretty quite for a few weeks. There are two reasons for this:

1. I’ve been fighting recurring fevers since June 17^th, which has turned out to be caused by a bad case of bronchitis.

2. In between fevers, when I feel some energy, I’ve focused all my writing creativity on finishing my history papers. I finished those July 11^th and now have one more ten pager to do for Pastoral Theology. That one will be easier since the topic is my illness and how people have responded to it and me. It’s more of a theological reflection than an academic research paper. It will help me to do some integration of what I’ve been through this year.

I’m not going to give all the gory details of what I’ve been through the past weeks, except to say I hope the 103.1 fever I had Monday night was high enough to kill the bronchitis bug. The fever has gone down since then and stayed down so far. I know I need to stay quiet, drink liquids and get lots of rest. I think one problem has been I try to start being more active too soon. Now I’ve been reasonable – I’d wait 3 to 5 day after my last fever to increase me activity, but the fever returned every time. So this time it will be at least 10 days, which is when I’ll have a follow up visit with my internist and go by her recommendation.

During my times of convalescence I've had a chance to read a great book, Maggie Ross's Seasons of Death and Life A Wilderness Memoir. It's a good book to read under a tree or by a lake, one of those books you read when you just want to relax. Yet it has great spiritual substance. Maggie is an Anglican solitary, which means she lives a life of prayer alone somewhere. She also has a blog at ravenwilderness.blogspot.com . From time to time she will give great commentary on events in the Episcopal Church. In the archive section for January, 2006 she has published A Rite for Contemplative Eucharist. It is well worth reading through.

Lord willing and the creek don't rise and my health continues to improve, Teresa and I will be coming to Boise the first part of August. We will first go to McCall for St. Michael's family camp, then be in Boise until the 11^th. I do think that if I mind my P’s and Q’s and not over do, I’ll be OK. Teresa and I do so want to see family and friends. Berkeley is nice, but I do miss Idaho.

Why Stay?

General Convention has been a roller coaster this year. First came the election of a Presiding Bishop who is a woman. Then the House of Deputies rejected a moratorium on gay bishops. And the next day the House of Bishops and the House of Deputies accepted such a moratorium. I imagine that most LBGT the Episcopalians are little stunned right now. Nothing has come in my e-mail yet from integrity which really surprises me. They have been very quick to respond to or give news of actions of the Church that affect LBGT people.

I am saddened by this decision but I am as determined as ever to stay with the Episcopal Church. Andrew Sullivan said this Thursday night on Larry King Live, "And I will not as a Catholic be thrown out of my home and my church and my faith and my communion because of who I am. Because of how God made me and that's the bottom line, Father, and I understand there is diversity and I respect that. And I understand your faith. But we're not leaving and we exist and we're here and we're human. "

This is a man who doesn't have seat, voice and vote in his church, yet he stays. He stays because he knows this is where God calls him to be and he cannot do otherwise. Episcopalian LBGT’s have seat, voice and vote of General convention, diocesan convention, and on their vestries. I hope that every Episcopal gay man and lesbian stays in the church and everyone of our straight supporters stays in the church and continues to spread the good news of God's inclusive love in Christ Jesus. We are called to proclaim the Gospel in season and out, in fair weather and foul. To do otherwise is a denial of the love God has for us and for all creatures.

Useless worry and General Convention

Woke up yesterday morning at 3 AM, worried about global warming (yes, saw Inconvenient Truth this week) and General Convention. I spent the rest of the early morning trying to refocus on who I am – one beloved of God, who gives herself to me in and as each breath, each moment. I did Centering Prayer and other meditation and that did help. Worry is a very human emotion, but an energy sapper. It doesn’t do anything to energies oneself to do anything about what one is worrying about. If you can’t do anything about it anyways, worry is pretty useless.

Speaking of General Convention, the blogger to follow is Fr. Jake I trust his observations and instincts. He also practices Centering Prayer, which is a big plus. I think that is why he can write with equanimity on hot button issues. Today’s post offers hope for GC so check it out.

Do Few Things

I was reminded again how much better I am doing physically. I was able to do all the regular things folks do during an Episcopal liturgy, like stand and sing, stand and pray. In the parish I’m going to, we stand and sing a lot. Before I got off the chemo, I did not have the energy or strength to stand during the service. I sat through the service. Now I can stand and sing without giving it a second thought. It feels great to be able to do that.

Now that I have this renewed energy, the question is what do I do with it? The temptation is to return to life as usual. However, I'm getting the clear message that yes, I need to pay attention to my body. Yes, I can do more than I was able to couple months ago; however, adding a bunch more stuff to my to-do list is not the thing to do.

There is a song from a movie about St. Francis. The lyrics go:

Do a few things,
but do them well.
Take your time.
Go slowly.

This is so countercultural, so un-American. It is also so sane and so holy. It has been my aim to incorporate this value into my life for many years. I'm beginning to realize that the stakes are much higher now. My health may well depend on it.

Doing Better

I am well, or at least a lot more well than I’ve been in several months. The dizziness or vertigo is gone. I don't need my walking stick for balance anymore. Yeah! The rash is almost gone. I have more energy and endurance. For all this I'm very grateful, yes, more than I can really say.

Yet a nagging question remains, how long will this improved health last? My joints do ache at times. My kidneys are still spilling some protein. This thing is not over with yet. Mixed connective tissue disease is incurable disease. So, short of a miracle, it never will be over with.

Sounds depressing doesn't it? Yet my lot isn't much different from millions of other people. People with diabetes, people with HIV infection or AIDS, people with MS, all live with incurable diseases. And there are many other incurable diseases I have not listed. This week marks the 25th anniversary of AIDS. AIDS is again in the news in a major way, which is a good thing. AIDS brings to light the dark side of our society. It exposes the prejudices in our society, the injustices in our health-care system. I am reminded again of the line from Angels in America, "Americans have no use for the sick."

Pretty grim, uh? It's easy to see why so many people become nihilistic and cynical. Yet there is another way to look at this very grim picture. There is a different perspective that is based on compassion and lovingkindness, resurrection and the coming of the Spirit. In some ways this perspective is expressed in a poem by Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Now Mary does not say one word about God in all this poem. Yet, to me she speaks of God. When I hear the wild geese, when I look into the blue sky, when I behold the beauty of trees, I see God and I know my place in the family of things. Mary speaks without naming that which I base my life on. God, who is Love, is showing me how to live with an incurable disease and find a healing which does not depend on cure. Friends, I am just starting to walk this learning curve and it is steep. Mary's poem is a good companion on the way.

One darn thing after another

It's been awhile since I've blogged and things have been tough. I have really been going through mood swings with the prednisone, but thankfully that has settled down. Friday the 12th I developed hives. I was able to see a doctor that day, who thought the hives were reaction to one of my medications. He said the high dose of prednisone could have been hiding the allergic reaction. Now that I've gone to a lower dose the reaction would show now. He gave me an antihistamine to take, but that made my dizziness worse and didn't make much of a difference after three days. So I stopped taking it and tried to get in to see a doctor. They gave me an appointment with a dermatologist on June 7, even though I said the rash was getting worse. I have a previously scheduled appointment with my internist though on June 1. In the meantime, the rash is kind of running its course, and I think it will resolve itself overtime. It will be my luck that by the time I get to see a doctor again, the rash will be gone.

So I've been having a raging rash and raging hormones for a while now. I really do think things are beginning to calm down. Classes ended this Thursday, which helps. I have a bunch of papers work on this summer, but that's okay. Teresa and I are going on retreat, this Sunday for 10 days and I am so looking forward to it. I do hope that my next blog entry, which will be after retreat will have some positive things to report.

Update number two

I apologize for leaving, y'all hang on for about a week about what I'm doing healthwise. It's been a rough week. My doc took me of all the medications that she could, because just about every medication I'm on has a potential side effect of dizziness. Dizziness is one of those side effects like nausea and vomiting that can be a potential for any medication. I've been on a high dose of prednisone as part of the treatment regimen that goes with the chemotherapy. She had may go down from 20 mg to 10 mg, but I will still need to be on 10 mg for another three weeks. One has to go off high-dose prednisone gradually or you can get into real trouble. However, from past experience, I know I'm still pretty sensitive to 10 mg of prednisone. My emotions have been all over the place this week, and I think a big part of that is the dose of prednisone I'm on. Again, this is based on past experience. The prednisone could also be what's causing my dizziness. The dizziness or vertigo continued at about pretty much the same level and sometimes even worse until Friday. It has been ever so gradually decreasing since then. At its present rate, it will probably take several more days to go away, but at least it's going in the right direction.

So I’m doing my best to cope with all this. I do so appreciate everyone’s prayers.

On other topic – in regards to the Diocese of California’s election of a new bishop, read this account from an excellent and wise woman who as there.

Update

This last chemo hit me hard, which is why I have not blogged for awhile. Had problems with stomach pain and nausea and increased dizziness or vertigo. Went to the ER Sunday evening and was treated for dehydration – they gave me 2 liters of fluid IV and the same anti-nausea medicine they give me before chemo. Felt better after that but still had problems with vertigo. My doc suggested I try Dramamine. I took some Tuesday without any change so I tried the max recommended dose Wednesday morning. Within an hour or two it was worse, which was quite alarming to me. I didn’t connect it with the Dramamine, though. I called and left a message for my doc, then called the advice nurse as to whether I should head for the ER. She checked with a doc and said yes.

They did a CAT scan, EKG and lab, all of which checked out OK. My doc thought the dizziness was from the chemo – dizziness is a potential side effect of cytoxan and also prednisone -- , though I will see her Monday and there may be more tests if the vertigo has not abated significantly. It’s not as bad as Wednesday and I do think the Dramamine made the dizziness worse. Dizziness is a less common side effect of Dramamine.

We are stopping the Chemo treatments and this is a big relief to me. My kidney function labs have been normal for a couple of months now, except for one. That one is trending toward normal. Two years ago when I had kidney failure it was also the last one to go to normal. I will be seeing my doc on Monday and we will discuss next steps in treatment then.

Chemo round 3

Tomorrow, Thursday the 20th is my next chemo. I do have mixed feelings about this. I look forward to dropping my prednisone dose another 20 mg. to 20 mg a day. I'm going into this round stronger than I went into the last month’s, which is good. Nonetheless, it still means I'm going to feel sick Friday. How sick, I don't know. Most likely not as sick as last month, given I'm stronger but … don't know.

Now that I'm starting to feel better, though still not up to pre-chemo levels, I just don't want get knocked down again, to feel worse, even though I have a reasonable expectation that I will continue to build strength over the next month. And, of course, it is natural to not want to feel bad. I try to go into my chemo session as positive as possible, knowing that that helps the process. And being honest about my feelings is also important.

So I've been working with my mixed feelings.

I bought 3 guided imagery CD’s from
Health Journey's . Teresa had brought home from Kaiser a CD on guided imagery for depression which Health Journeys published. I figured if Kaiser thought it was good, the company might be worth looking into. They have CD’s for all sorts of conditions, including sleep, chemo therapy, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. The web site had pretty good, standard information on heath and guided imagery so I ordered those three CD’s. Belleruth Naperstek does a great job with the CD’s. On the first track she gives good information about guided imagery and that it is not a substitute for treatment, but an aid to treatment. She is very sound in what she says. I have found the CD’s very helpful.

I think it was on the Lupus CD’s she talked about being honest about one’s emotions, which was a good reminder to me this morning. It’s OK for me to have mixed feelings about chemo, to acknowledge them, allow them to just be. I don't have to reject them, push them away, try to change them, just let them be. Then they will follow their own right and proper process. So I'm at peace with that, most the time. The prednisone is making me somewhat more emotional so I take that into account also.

And I know God is in all of this. The Kingdom of God is now. All I have to do is accept it as a little child and I know more about how to do that. So I find myself coming back to simple acceptance of what is, of my Beloved God, my Beloved Jesus right with me now, healing me, caring for me and gently asking me to pray for those who this very minute are facing chemo tomorrow. This helps. It really helps.

Holy Saturday Reflections

It is Holy Saturday morning. Jesus is in His tomb, resting, Or is he Harrowing Hell ?

In some ways I like the image of Jesus just resting on this day. He has worked very, very hard all his life and he deserves a rest, a chance to just lay still for awhile. It is a comfort to me to think he is resting now, peaceable, his suffering and sorrow over.

Yet would he not be thinking of all those souls in hell, waiting for release? Would he not, after that stone had been rolled across the tomb, jump up from where they lay him, thinking, “Man, let’s go free those souls!”? Would he not leap with joy at the chance to bring salvation to all those people, to go find Judas, forgive him and bring him home?

Maybe he is doing both, resting inside and freeing others. Maybe he rested awhile, to share in the rest of the dead, and then rose to set all people, all creation free.

I reflect today on the service to come, the Great Vigil. I remember Holy Saturday Night services I have attended. Tonight I will be at All Souls hunkering down for the duration – I know it will be a long service – this parish does everything, they take their time, give each service its due. Last night’s Good Friday service lasted 1 hour and forty-five minutes. I knew it would be long one when the choir started to sing -- sing! The Passion. It was long and beautiful and God gave me a great blessing at the end of service, one I won’t forget.

But my heart tonight will also be at St. Michael’s , my home parish. I will not hear Deacon Mary Lou sing the Exultet. In fact I will hear no deacon sing the Exultet. All Souls does not have a deacon right now, though they do have a gentleman studying for the deaconate at the School of Deacons. I think deacons are cool, and a very, very, important part of the church. They lifted up the servant ministry that all of us are called to. They bring the concerns and needs of the world to the church, and the church into the world – again something we are all called to do. I think of the deacons who touch my life and bless me, which would be a long list if I named them all, and pray that all parishes everywhere may have the blessing of at least one deacon serving them.

So a blessed Easter to you all. May the grace of this Holy Season bring the whole Earth closer to peace.

Holy Week

This Holy Week marks the 25^th anniversary of one of the most profound healings in my life. 25 years ago I was in the fourth year of clinical major depression. There were times during this depression, that I was very suicidal. At one point I literally had the gun in my hand and only by a sheer act of will returned it to the good priest who had give it to me to protect myself from an anal orifice that was at that time breaking into women’s apartments and raping them . These were the most painful and difficult years of my life – nothing since has been as bad.

During those years I was in counseling, trying to figure why I was depressed, trying to get healed. My sexual orientation was coming to consciousness but I didn’t connect it with the depression. I had lots of reasons for being depressed. However, an amazing thing happened Holy Week 1981.

Holy Wednesday I was listening carefully to the Old Testament lesson:

The Lord God has given me
a well-trained tongue,
That I might know how to speak to the weary
a word that will rouse themt.
Morning after morning
he opens my ear that I may hear;
And I have not rebelled,
have not turned back.
I gave my back to those who beat me,
my cheeks to those who plucked my beard
My face I did not shield
from buffets and spitting
the Lord God is my help,
therefore I am not disgraced;
I have set my face like flint,
knowing that I shall not be put to shame.
He is near who upholds my right;
if anyone wishes to oppose me,
let us appear together.
Who disputes my right?
Let him confront me.
See, the Lord god is my help.
Isaiah 50:4 – 9a

What I heard say to me was, "you can look at your sexuality and it will be OK." Well, I knew what my sexuality was. At that moment I felt such joy and peace. On Easter Sunday morning I felt the depression lift completely. It has never returned.

One may wonder how I got that out of the passage. A big part was I knew that if I accepted my sexuality I would face opposition. God though, would be my help. In this confidence and trust I could except my sexuality, and be healed

So I rejoice in remembering that time. Now I face a different healing challenge. I don't know if God will zap me on Easter like God did 25 years ago. Healing comes at many levels and in many different ways. In today's Old Testament lesson God says, "See, the former things have come to pass and new things I now declare; before they spring forth, I tell you of them." Isaiah 42: 9.

I am still weaker than I was before chemo, but at a greater level of strength and endurance than last month. I have a reasonable hope that I will continue to build strength and endurance as I continue with my treatments and great hope for putting this disease in remission. I greatly look forward for this Lent to be over with and an Easter to come, which to me as a sign I did Lent well.

Wishing you all a blessed and holy Holy Week.

Sophie Scholl

Teresa and I walked down to Shattuck Theater and watched Sophie Scholl this afternoon. This movie is incredibly powerful. Just go to the website and you will see what I mean. It is the true story of college co-ed in Nazi German whose non-violent resistance led to her death. The way she died, changed people’s lives.

This film is made possible because of transcripts of the Gestapo interrogations, which were hidden in East Germany, were released in 1990. The producers of the film spent hours interviewing people were close to the people involved with this case – family members, friends. The skill and diligence of the research is very evident. And the actors – what fine, fine actors!

Yes this is a must see film, on par with Schindler's list. For you Boiseans, it will be playing at the Flicks starting April 28^th.

It is a timely film, especially for our country today. We have an administration that lies through its teeth and is more secretive than any administration in recent memory. We have an administration that thinks it is above the law. We have an administration the deliberately exports fear for its own ends. It exploits racism to its own ends. What do you think this immigration thing is all about? It is about fear and blatant racism. I can only hope that enough fair minded people will appalled by the racist propaganda of the neo-cons to turn them out on their heads in the November elections. If not, well, we get the leaders we deserve.

"Nothing is so unworthy of a civilized nation as allowing itself to be governed without opposition by an irresponsible clique that has yielded to base instinct. . . Do not forget that every people deserves the regime it is willing to endure!" -- First leaflet of the White Rose

Climbing out of the valley of fatigue

Had a good day today. Teresa and I walked 20 minutes down to the Shattuck theater and watched Transamerica – indeed a great movie. Then we walked back home, an uphill walk and I did fine. Pretty exciting stuff as I know I could not have done that two days ago. I’ve learned from this is I can recover well when I listen to my body, rest and do exercise to tolerance. Saturday I pushed myself going to the James Finley workshop so needed lots of rest Sunday and Monday, which I got. I am so grateful for this day and the strength that is returning.

Down into the valley of fatigue

This time the chemo has hit me harder on the fatigue side of things. Some of this might be because the prednisone dose has been dropped 20 mg. to 40 mg and I’m feeling the fatigue more. The good news is I’m sleeping more. So thanks be to God its spring break and I am getting lots of rest and am able to catch up on sleep. In the long term this is a good thing. As energy and strength return, there will be more blogging. Got some things I want to commit on. In the meantime Rest!

Second round of Chemo tomorrow

Tomorrow I have my second round of chemo. Today I’m feeling pretty good, relatively speaking. I feel stronger, though I still get short of breathe easier than what I did before chemo. I’ve been able to workout logistics so that I can get the Cal Rec gym and do weights. Over the past week I’ve made some gains in muscle strength. One of the good things about working with weights is you can easily track progress. So I’m pleased that the muscle weakness is being reversed.

I will drop my prednisone dose 20 mg to 40 mg per day. Hopefully that will result in me getting a little more sleep. I’m not like really sleepy during the day – though sometimes I do feel that during class. I do lie down a couple times during the day and that helps. My mental processes seem to be doing Ok so I can continue to hang with this treatment.

I’m hoping that since I’m coming into this second round feeling pretty good, I won’t descend in the valley of fatigue for very long. I plan to rest, rest, rest this weekend and eat good food. I’ve learned a lot this month about dealing the fatigue and conserving energy so my hope is that this month will go well.

I look on this as a grand experiment. I not completely sure what will happen has I continue in treatment. There is an expected course but in medicine unexpected things can and do happen, both positive and ill. I have a healthy curiosity about what happens next, how this will go. My sense is that it will go fine. If not, I can deal with that, make adjustments and go on.

I do believe all the prayers for me are helping in wonderful ways. Tomorrow as I receive the chemo I will also take in all that wonder pray power. That thought alone keeps me positive – a very good thing! Thank you to all who are praying for me. To God be the Glory!

Scripture and Errors

Reflecting this morning on the experience of the studying deeply the four gospels over the past several weeks in New Testament class. Thinking about how each gospel tells the unique story of a community’s struggle to come to terms the challenges facing them in the lived context of their lives, struggling to come to terms with the presence of the Risen Christ in their midst, ever elusive, enigmatic, yet ever in your face, now we glimpse him, now we don’t.

Mark’s gospel – a call to return to God’s covenant, to care for one another as God care for us – a call to throw off Roman oppression by trust in God, opting out of the oppressive economic and political system of the Roman’s and the Temple – a plea to not seek a military solution, to seek a military Son of David to save them – a plea that went unheeded and Jerusalem was destroyed.

Matthew’s gospel – Reclaim your Jewish Roots! Jesus is the fulfillment of the Law and Prophets. Build a fence around Torah by loving more than the Torah requires.

Luke’s Gospel – inclusive table fellowship – extend the banquet of God, the feast of God to all people. Exclude no one.

John’s Gospel – Ah, here is a struggle! John’s community, their experience of Jesus as Bread of Life, the Light of the World, the Logos, that very high Christology, well, it’s not been so well received by some of their Jewish brethren. They aren’t listening to us, this community cries. They don’t believe the signs Jesus himself show us and them. We need to separate ourselves, set ourselves apart until they come to their senses.

Each Gospel has a unique story to tell, lesson to learn and live. Some of those lessons are about how the community got it wrong. God in Her wisdom does not dictate the truth to us. She wants us to develop our minds, hearts and spirits – to think – to love God with our whole minds, to learn to discern what is life giving from that which brings death. So God, in Her wisdom has allowed Scripture to come to us imperfect, with errors, so that we may not worship the words of the text, but listen to the Living Word speaking through the text. “See, my child, John didn’t quite get it right here, but here, yes, he got it right. Now let me take you deeper into the meaning of these words.”

Now in New Testament we will get into the mind of Paul. I look forward to learning more about Paul and his struggles. Paul is another person who got some things very right – 1 Corinthians 13 and some things quite wrong – 1 Corinthians 14:34, for example.

I truly believe that “All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,” 2 Timothy 3:16, but not in the way many Christians think. I’m not saying the God inspired errors in Scripture. When God inspired humans to write Scripture, God is did not violate our free will, our humanness, our finite knowledge of God. So we fallible humans misunderstand what God was trying to say at times. And that’s OK because the Spirit is ever with us to guide us, if we slow down, be still and admit we don’t comprehend God perfectly, if we are humble and admit we do make mistakes, correct them and move on in the joy and love of God.

Spammers

Looks like my blog is getting hit by spammers - those two comments on March 15th that had nothing to do with my blog. I'm going to start monitoring the comments so your comments may not show up right away. I'm probably going to have a bit of a learning curve to get this tweaked right so please bear with me. Thanks

A Blessed Day

Tilden Park

I am so blessed. Even in my infirmity I am blessed. Had beautiful walk in Tilden Park. Everyone I met on the trail was smiling. The sky was smiling, the clouds, the trees. Nature rejoicing in the glory of her Creator.

I’m listening to the music CD for the Book of Uncommon Prayer. It’s an incredible CD. Gotta read the book.

Good appointments with my docs yesterday. Kidney function is good. Cell counts did not drop but improved after this first treatment. I’m ready for the next round.

Aye, I am blessed.